Where Does Your Food Come From?

Have you ever stopped to think about where your food comes from? If you are trying to eat healthier, but have not considered the origins of those "healthier" foods, you have missed an important element of nutrition.

A post by Kelly the Kitchen Kop entitled "How We Treat the Animals We Eat" inspired me to share my own opinions on what the typical American consumers are putting in their bodies. In her post, Kelly shares information provided in a recent episode of Oprah about how livestock is treated in the meat industry. I never saw the episode because 1) I don't watch tv anymore, and 2) I rarely watched Oprah anyway, she had become way too preachy and liberal, and she (in my opinion) is the one principally responsible for foisting the lame-duck Obama upon us. He never would have gotten this far without her. Clinton would have mopped the floor with him if it weren't for Oprah and other celebrities "advertising" for him (not that I like Hillary Clinton, but--I hate to say it--she's better than that guy). But I digress...

It sounds like the show wasn't anti-meat, but rather anti-mistreatment of meat animals. However, the real push for the show seems to have been to get California voters to support some legislation that requires more room and better treatment of these animals. Now, I am all for humane treatment of animals. For one, God did give us animals to eat, but ALSO to care for. They are NOT equal to humans, but should still be treated with kindness. They should be allowed to live happy, healthy lives until their time is up, and then killed in the most painless and humane way possible. Second, a happy, well-cared for animal is a healthy animal...which means it is also healthier for US, to eat. I wonder if the owners of these commercial "factories" eat the meat or eggs they produce. I can't imagine it. If they do, they must be dirty, disgusting people with very low standards.

Left: Multiple laying hens crammed into tiny cages. You don't want eggs from these hens. Support local farmers who sell free-range, happy-hen eggs!

Granted, not all are as bad as the worst. But I've talked to too many people who worked or visited commercial dairies, poultry houses, and pig farms to not know there are SERIOUS problems with the way most animals are raised. One woman I know (NOT a vegetarian or PETA member) said she visited a dairy, and saw a worker drop one of the suction hose things that they hook to the cows' teats, that delivers the milk straight into the pipes that lead to the bulk tanks. The hose sucked up some cow feces. Upon seeing her horrified face, the worker said "don't worry, the pasteurization will take care of it." EEEWWW!!! That is what we are drinking, folks, when we buy milk at the store! I think if I worked in one of these places, I would become a vegetarian!!

So, is becoming a vegetarian the answer? No. I mean, if you want to, go ahead...although I recommend you become a raw vegan instead of eating that tofu crud. (See my raw blog for more info on eating raw. I think eating all or at least part raw is the best thing you can do for your body.) Since most people aren't going to become vegetarians no matter what you tell them, the real answer is for people to start finding out about where our food is coming from, and more importantly, where we can find better sources for our food.

8 Ways to Promote Healthy and Humane Food Production

1) Educate yourself. Find out what the typical (not worst-case scenario) life is for a meat or dairy animal, how meat animals are killed or dairy products are collected, and how all these meat and dairy products are handled, processed, packaged, etc. before they get to your table. You don't need to watch videos of animals being horrendously treated, but you should be more aware of the realities these animals face, and how unhealthy the final product is for you. If you're going to continue to support the industrial meat and dairy markets, the least you can do is know what you're supporting.

2) Look for sources of healthier food. Organic is best, but it's not necessarily enough. Organic milk is still homogenized and pasteurized--or worse, ultra-pasteurized. I strongly recommend finding a source for raw (unhomogenized, unpasteurized) milk. Educate yourself on its benefits. It should come from cows/goats that are pastured, not given hormones or antibiotics (unless gravely needed) and are preferably grass fed, and not fed anything treated with chemical fertilizers or pesticides. Check out realmilk.org, ask around at farmers markets and chiropractors offices for sources of raw milk, organically raised produce and meat, and free range eggs.

3) Prioritize your needs. If you can't afford to go all-organic, familiarize yourself with which food products are most notoriously unhealthy, and buy just those foods in the organic variety. Bananas and apples, for example, are some of the most highly-sprayed produce out there. Commercial beef is known for treating cows horribly, loading the cows hormones and antibiotics, and for cows being so sick at slaughter time that they have to be fork-lifted into the slaughterhouse. If you can't find a source for raw milk, settle for unhomogenized organic milk at the health food store, but add in more organic probiotic foods, like yogurt and kefir.

4) Support local small-scale farmers whenever possible. If they have natural meat/dairy/produce, then they may charge more than conventional, but often it isn't as expensive as buying certified organic. Visit the farm, if possible, especially when buying meat and dairy. Check out craigslist in the farm & garden section, to find local sources. Visit farmers markets. Don't be afraid to ask farmers there how their food is grown. You deserve the healthiest food possible, so support the people who grow/raise the healthiest!

5) Call or write to your local government officials, and let them know you want easier access to natural food. Urge them to support the little guys, instead of farming conglomerates. Make them aware of any unfair treatment of local farmers, or unfair laws that need to be changed. For example, in many states, it is completely illegal to buy or sell raw milk. Some states allow it, but with heavy restrictions.

6) Vote with your wallet. Don't just buy from local farmers...tell the managers of local stores what you're doing! Write to the mega-stores' headquarters and tell them to carry more local produce, especially organic or chemical-free. Organize online petitions and send them to these large corporate companies, so they know which way the wind is blowing. All these tactics have worked in getting organic food into more and more stores...now ask for more local food, naturally and/or humanely raised.

7) Educate others! You don't want to become a food nazi, but find ways to let others know (when they are interested--no one listens to someone who is pushy) that there are a lot of myths out there created and sustained by people who have a stake in the perpetuation of food propaganda.

8) Do it yourself! If you have some land, get a cow, even just a miniature cow. Only one acre? Get a goat, or plant a large garden. In the suburbs? Plant a small garden, and raise a couple of chickens in a chicken tractor (a small, moveable pen). Someone on a small city lot can plant a few veggies and have a couple of chickens or some meat rabbits. People in apartments with balconies can grow some veggies in containers if they pick the right varieties. Even someone in a cramped New York City studio can grow little pots of herbs or sprouts in a jar. Every bit of food you raise yourself is a virtual snubbing of your nose at companies who pass off processed chemical garbage as food, mega-farms who mistreat animals to make a quick buck, local governments who enforce and sometimes invent rules that make it impossible to buy or sell locally grown healthy food, and politicians who cave in to lobbyists and create or protect laws that make it impossible for small-time farmers to sell products at a living wage...or even at all. Not to mention, growing your own food is good for you!

Truly Trusting God--Being "Quiverfull"

I just re-read the post before last, where I first mentioned the aneurysm and the fact that it was caught in time to get it fixed--if I wasn't pregnant. Then in my last post, I mentioned the baby was a girl. LOL! Guess there should have been an "announcement" post in between!

So...what was my reaction to this news, and what does this mean for my health? Well, I already knew from my research at that point that getting pregnant with an aneurysm at all was a risky proposition, since pregnancy hormones make your connective tissue (including arteries) stretchier. When you have an aneurysm (which is a weakened, bulged or stretched-out section of a blood vessel), making your blood vessels even stretchier with pregnancy hormones isn't the greatest idea. Not to mention, I don't just have an aneurysm and a bicuspid valve--both those conditions are symptoms of a greater problem...Bicuspid Aortic Valve Disease. This is a type of connective tissue disorder, which means that my connective tissue (including arteries) has a tendency to weaken, which is why aneurysms can happen. So adding pregnancy to the mix wouldn't have been my first choice.

I have found out since my diagnosis that my aneurysm was NOTED in the results of at least THREE prior tests, but for some reason my old cardiologists and/or radiologists didn't seem to think that it was important to tell me I had an aneurysm in a bad place that was already big enough to dissect or rupture. Rupture--as in, KILL me! No big deal, right? Sheesh! Had I known, I could have had the aneurysm repaired before baby number 4 OR baby number 5!!! Which is what I would have chosen to do. Now I can't get it repaired without seriously endangering the life of my baby. So now I wait. I know some of you would say that if I really cared about my other children, I would take the risk and have the surgery, rather than leave them motherless. There are worse things than being motherless...like having a mother that passes on a legacy of treating a new life with disdain, and shows you that she values her life over that of your unborn sibling...which implies that she values her life over yours. That's not a message I want to send to my children. Just my view point on the subject.

That's not to say that I think having the surgery is necessarily a mortal sin or anything. It is not equivalent to an abortion if I had the aneurysm repair surgery and the baby died as a result. That would not be doing anything directly to the baby. In fact, should my aorta was to start to dissect, I would have the surgery. In such a case, I would be in immediate and extremely high risk of death, and I would feel justified in getting the surgery, even though I'd feel awful if the baby died. In such a case, having the surgery may be the baby's only chance to live. I know I could get the surgery now, and it wouldn't necessarily be a sin if the baby should die. But for me that would be a morally "gray" area. The doctors say I could die any time. But I might not. There's no real statistics on this kind of thing, because it depends on the person and the circumstances.

So how did I feel when I found out I was pregnant? Not thrilled. It seemed like bad timing to me. I was really worried about dying. I was worried about my other kids. I spent a few days kind of freaking out, and worrying. I saw a surgeon to ask his opinion on getting surgery right away. My reasoning was if I was going to need surgery during the pregnancy, I'd rather do it soon, as it would be easier on me if I lost the baby early on, rather than later. He said if I chose to get surgery, I should go into it assuming the baby will die. That really struck home. I went home and prayed about it, and knew what I had to do.

God gave me this baby at this time for some reason. Even if this baby doesn't survive, she still has a purpose. Every life has a purpose. The only reason I was afraid was because my faith was weak. Many people have asked me online how I would feel if having another baby would jeopardize my life. It was easy then to say that I would feel the same. It was harder, once actually faced with that decision...especially because it was a dark time, faith-wise, for me. Now that I have passed through that valley, I can honestly say I still feel the same way.

At left: a beautiful life at 21 weeks gestation (stock photo, not my baby)

My time to die has been pre-ordained by God. On that day, I will die, whether I am carrying a child and die from a ruptured aneurysm, or if I am hit by a bus crossing the street. Personally, I'd rather go the first way. It seems, to me, to be a more "worthy" way to die. I'm not sure if "worthy" is the word I'm looking for...but you get the idea. Not that getting hit by a bus is "unworthy"...but if I get hit by a bus only because I didn't cooperate with the will of God and accept the gift of a child, thereby accepting the death He originally chose for me, then perhaps it is a less worthy death.

Once I made the decision to accept the will of God, I felt a tremendous peace. I have had a renewal of my faith, although I still feel I have a ways to go to get back to where I had been. I truly see this baby, and the aneurysm, as a gift from God. Even the aneurysm? Yes. Had I not been diagnosed with it, perhaps my waning faith would have been extinguished completely, and that would have left me and my family in dire spiritual straights. I truly feel that I will be okay, at least until the baby is born. I get a sense that God will reward me for accepting His plan. If I am wrong in having that feeling...if I did die from having this baby or the aneurysm, I would not regret my decision one bit. I'd rather die following the will of God than live while fleeing from it. There are worse things than physical death.

At right: Polyptych, "Life and Death of the Virgin"...who better than the mother of Our Lord to exemplify obedience and a good death?

All this does not mean I don't have compassion for those struggling with similar circumstances, or those who have made a different decision. While I may not agree with what others have chosen, I still sympathize with their plight. But if I were to make this post more politically or socially correct in order to avoid offending others, than I wouldn't be me. And it wouldn't be honest, either. If others find my opinions offensive, there are millions of politically and socially "correct" blogs out there to read. There are pitifully few blogs that tell things like they are, and say the things that need to be said. But if this post upsets many, yet helps a few, I'm more concerned about the few I may have helped. The others can always hit the "back" button. ;-) I do it all the time when I read something I think is idiotic! I don't even waste my time commenting.

Fortunately as time goes on, my options are increasing. My cardiologist is watching the aneurysm, doing monthly echocardiograms to make sure it's not growing. So far so good. If it does start to show growth, he will want to do surgery. Since I am getting close to the time that the baby is viable (24 weeks), that will give us the option of delivering the baby premature, if necessary. I hope to avoid that, but it is good to know it's an option soon. It would be far better for the baby to be delivered than remain in utero for a deep hypothermic open heart surgery.

So keep us in your prayers, please!

New Posts Soon!...And an Update.

Hello! I've been AWOL for quite some time. It seems having five children isn't conducive to blogging. Well, for me, anyway! I plan to start blogging a lot more. I have some interesting stuff I'm planning to do, and I thought I should share.

What's in the works? This spring I plan to start my very first garden. I will be picking out heirloom organic seeds and learning a lot. In preparation for that, and to off-set the high price of organic winter vegetable cost, I may be trying my hand at indoor veggie growing. Just a few plants to get some practice in.

Also, I am ramping up our preparedness supplies. This economy is very troubling, and I'm not the only one out there freaking out about the "what ifs", should a serious recession or depression come about. So I will be re-stocking our pantry. I'll also be re-organizing our new home, and redecorating on a budget. Nothing fancy, but repainting, and repurposing "junk" furniture into something beautiful. Our goal is to become more self-sufficient.

In order to achieve that goal, we will be adding animals to our mini-homestead. We plan to add chickens soon. I'm trying to talk my husband into a goat or mini-cow, but he wants nothing to do with it right now. (He knows he'll be doing the milking, lol.) Right now we're buying raw milk (soooo good, and good for you), but I'd like a better source...preferably me! I plan on starting to make homemade raw yogurt, buttermilk, piima, creme fraiche, cheese, etc. I need a milk with higher cream content to do that. We'll see what happens.

I'd like to add some meat animals to our homestead, but I think we'll have to make do with chickens. We're just going to buy a few fully grown laying hens for now, and probably get a mix of meat and layer chicks in the spring.

Now for the updates: so far, my aorta is still in one piece! My symptoms are getting a little worse, but the cardiologist isn't sure exactly what is causing them, as neither the aneurysm nor my bicuspid valve should be bad enough to cause these symptoms. But he's modest enough to admit that we are still learning new stuff every year about these conditions, so there's no way to be sure. His plan is for me to have the surgery right after my c-section. The surgeon he sent me to disagrees, and wants to wait three months. I'm going to another hospital to see a doctor who specializes in pregnant patients with heart problems, so we are waiting until after that consultation to make any plans.

My pregnancy is going fine. Except that I am HORRENDOUSLY congested, especially at night. Since I use a CPAP machine for my sleep apnea, I have to breathe through my nose, which doesn't help....since I can't breathe! I'm almost wondering if I've developed allergies. We got cats two months ago, and it seems that shortly after that is when I developed some symptoms. I've never had allergies before, but developing allergies as an adult can happen.

At right: "Prayer of the Expectant Mother"

Oh, and I'm hovering near the dreaded 300-pound mark. I can't seem to stay raw this time around. So I'm focusing on trying to do a Nourishing Traditions style diet, and at least do raw green smoothies every day. But it seems inevitable that I will hit the 300 mark, which I swore I'd never do. It's really depressing.

Well, folks (if I have any readers left, lol...I never stick around when someone stops posting) tune in soon, I should have something interesting to read

One more update....it's a girl! She is due mid-February.

Upcoming Ultrasound

I know my posts are few and far between. It is nearly impossible to sign into Blogger now that Google took it over. Ever since then, when I try to sign into Blogger, it shuts down my browser almost every time. I just haven't found any other free blogging sites I like to switch over to, so until then, I'll do the best I can to post (when Google Blogger lets me).

I have a level II ultrasound this week. This is to check on the baby's development and make sure all is normal. Since I have gestational diabetes, E antibodies, and I'm sooooo old (lol), they want to check. I told the doc that's fine, as long as he knows that I'm not aborting my baby if there's anything wrong. Quite frankly, I don't really want to know if anything is wrong, unless there's something that can be done about it (intra-uterine surgery, etc.). The last thing I need is to spend the next five months worrying about something I can't change!

I'm sure it will be normal. My anti E titers were low, and I haven't heard differently about the titer I took last week, so I assume that was low also. I REALLY need to change my eating. It's been pretty terrible the last few months. My husband is not being nearly as supportive as he normally is. I tried to go cold turkey on any refined carbs last week, and the very day I start that, he decided to "help" me by making a cake with chocolate frosting, just to "get rid of it." Yeah, smelling cake baking and seeing the chocolate frosting was a big help. I held out all day, and then got so frustrated I decided to have some. But he and the kids had eaten it all, and that just made me mad, so I went to the store and bought a bunch of junk. I know, it's my own fault. But you don't help an alcoholic by drinking a bottle of vodka in front of them...so it follows that you don't help a fat person by eating cake in front of them. Grrr!

Normally he's been great in the past, taking up any diet I wanted to try. But I've noticed the last few times he's been less and less supportive. I wish I knew why. I'm very weak-willed, and the only times I've been successful at weight-loss was when he supported me. I guess we just need to sit down and talk about it. If I don't get my blood sugar under control, I'm going to have to take insulin. And I DON'T want to do that, if I don't have to.

The Big "E"

When my doctor told me I had developed E antibodies, he gave me VERY little information. The more questions I asked, the more he repeated the same answers, in the same vague, difficult to understand way. When I left, I wasn't sure if what I had was a disease, or what, so I was a little panicked. All he told me was that I'd probably have to go to a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist, and the baby would probably have to be delivered premature.

Naturally, I went home and did my own research. There wasn't much out there. I'll give you a synopsis of what I learned, but I'm not a doctor, so cut me some slack. ;-) If you know of anything I got wrong and have a reputable website online to refer me to, please let me know, and I'll be happy to make needed corrections. Here is what I found out:

Our blood type (A, B, AB, and O) are based on the antigens in our blood. Type A has A antigens in it, type B has B antigens in it, etc. If someone who has A blood is given a transfusion containing type B blood, that person's type A blood will see the B antigens in the new blood as foreign, and therefore will probably rally to fight off these new antigens by producing antibodies to attack them. This is why you need to have a matching blood type given to you in a transfusion.

There are other antigens out there. Basically, these antigens are proteins that are attached to your blood cells. As far as E antigens go (and there are big E and little e antigens, each are different), 98 % of the population have ee, while the rest have either EE or Ee. If a mother is ee, and her husband is ee, there is no problem. But if the father is Ee, there is a 50% chance he will pass on the E antigen to his children. If he is EE, there is a 100% chance he will pass it on to his children.

If an ee mother is pregnant with a baby who has E antigens, and their blood somehow mixes during pregnancy or birth, the mother's blood will detect the E antigens, and create E antibodies to fight off the foreign antigens. This isn't a problem when it happens during a first pregnancy. The problem occurs to subsequent pregnancies. If the mother has another baby with E antigens, the mother's blood will recognize the E antigens, and will make even more antibodies to fight off the antigens. Basically, the mother's blood will try to attack and "kill" the baby's blood. If the level of antibodies gets too high, it can be very dangerous to the baby. The baby could die.

There are two ways to be exposed to these antigens. One, as just described, is to be exposed to it by the father, via the baby. The other is if you get a blood transfusion. They're supposed to check blood for antigens, and the blood can be "cleaned" of the antigens before it is given. But I guess mistakes happen, and you can still be exposed to these antigens through transfused blood. The good thing is, if you get it from a transfusion, you can have your husband's blood tested for a simple antibody screening. If your husband is ee, you are in the clear. Your child will not have the E antigen, and therefore your blood will not fight your baby's. As I mentioned before, if your husband is EE, your child will definitely have the E antigen, and if he is Ee, your child might have the E antigen.

If your baby is suspected to have the E antigen, your blood will be tested at least once a month in the beginning of your pregnancy, and more often if the titer levels go up or as the pregnancy gets further along. If the levels rise past a certain point, they might have to do things such as a cordocentesis or amniocentesis. I believe I also read that a intrauterine blood transfusion for the baby may be necessary. If the situation worsens, the baby will need to be delivered early. My doctor told me that they usually like to deliver the babies at 32-36 weeks. 36 weeks isn't too bad, but 32 weeks is pretty early. He can't give me statistics on how often premature deliveries are done, because usually patients with this condition go to a perinatologist, and he doesn't always get feedback on the outcome.

There are other antigens out there that will cause similar problems. The most common one is antigen D. This is the one that is a problem for moms who are Rh-. It is much more dangerous and can cause more problems. However, there is a solution that usually works for D antibodies. Doctors inject the mother with RhoGam, which are D antibodies but they are too big to cross the placental barrier. It fools the mother's blood into thinking that there is no reason to produce more antibodies, because there are already plenty of antibodies to "do the job". Since the injected antibodies are too big to cross the placental barrier, they don't harm the baby. This usually takes care of the problem. There is no injection for mothers with E antibodies, and I don't think there are for the other problematic antibodies out there, like C, etc. Probably because the others are much more rare, and therefore are not profitable enough to bother researching or manufacturing a treatment.

I will be having my husband's blood tested, although it is likely I got exposed to the antigens from him, via my last baby. The antibodies have never been detected in my blood during previous pregnancies, so either I got them from the last baby, or I got a blood transfusion during the last c-section or my hernia operation. I don't remember getting blood, and my doctor says usually they have you sign something informing you of the risks of transfusion and giving you things to look out for. I always read EVERYTHING I sign, so it's unlikely I had a transfusion. But I'd like my husband to be tested just the same. Since antibody screening is pretty routine during pregnancy blood workups, it is unlikely that I had E antibodies before now. Which probably means my husband is Ee, and didn't pass the antigens on to the first three children.

As annoying and worrisome as this complication is, I know that if my husband has E antigens, then I'm blessed that this hasn't happened sooner. Although you know this is just one more thing that the doctors will try to use against me in the future to coerce me to sterilize myself. Sorry docs, I'm not a cat, and that ain't gonna happen! Of course, the first thing my mother says is "see, I knew something like this would happen...your body just can't take all these pregnancies!" My response was "um, mom, didn't you listen to anything I said? This is something that occurred naturally, and could have happened with the first baby. And it might not even cause any problems. There was no way to prevent it." She acts like I broke myself, lol.

I suppose I could have made my husband submit to several health exams and blood screenings to make sure he was "compatible". I can just see it now... "Sorry dear, I love you and I believe God sent you to me because you are the man that will be a wonderful husband and father and lead me and my future children to Heaven...but God made a mistake and gave you the wrong proteins in your blood, so I'm afraid we'll have to call the whole thing off." ROFL!! I mean, I was picky, but I wasn't THAT picky!

I hope you have enjoyed today's lesson on antigens and antibodies. Hey, you could turn this into a homeschooling lesson! Of course you'll have to come up with your own illustrations. ;-) You could make some E antigen and antibody puppets, and make them have a little puppet fight!

Pregnancy Complications

Well, this pregnancy is turning out to be a lot like Murphy's law!

I found out that I have a condition that is very similar to being Rh-....just a different antibody that's causing the trouble (E instead of D). It's much more rare, but not as serious. However, it doesn't have a simple solution like taking RhoGam. Basically I'm being referred to a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist, because I also have other high risk factors: being "old" (35 or older), being overweight, having had 4 previous c-sections, and to top it all off, I have gestational diabetes again. *sigh*

The bad thing is, they usually recommend early delivery of the baby--usually between 32-36 weeks. Now, you all know me, I am NOT big on interventions or other unnatural stuff. Of course, if it's necessary I'll do it. But doctors are so quick to try to force you into doing things that are not actually in the best interests of you or the baby, to minimize the risks of lawsuits and higher malpractice insurance fees....like, oh, say, guilting you into a c-section you don't really need, and telling you "don't worry, you can have a VBAC next time" as he laughs up his sleeve because he darn well knows you're highly unlikely to be "allowed" to have a VBAC in this day and age. Oh, I'd better not get started on that, lol!

Anyway, I'm not really big on delivering a baby early just because I have a condition that MIGHT cause a problem in the future. I've done my research (boy, doctors just hate that) and I know that they usually keep an eye on your titers (tracking the levels of antibodies in your blood to make sure your blood isn't attacking the baby's blood). If the levels go up, you know there is a problem. If they go over a certain level, the baby could be in danger. I won't be letting the doctors deliver the baby early "just in case". There will have to be some evidence that early delivery is truly necessary. I'm not going to risk my baby's life with a premature delivery just so the doctors can later say that they "took every precaution".

I'm also not going to let them bully me into taking insulin unless that is necessary also. I've been doing some research, and I found out that a study has shown that taking as little as 1/2 teaspoon a day of cinnamon can lower your blood sugar, and has helped diabetics keep their blood sugar under control. I plan to try this and diet modifications first (I've been a very bad girl lately, due to stress) before taking more drastic measures. If I need to, I'll take the insulin or Metformin, but not unless it proves necessary.

I'm not really worried too much about the baby. All my babies have been healthy. Granted, this could change at any time, life is like that. And I am a little concerned. But as long as I don't see much rise in the titer levels, I'm not going to freak out. Hopefully, the pregnancy will proceed normally. So please keep me and my baby in your prayers!

No, the Ticker Isn't Going Backwards....

...it just looks that way. If any of you have visited my (non-updated) blog recently, you may have noticed that it had been showing a gestational date of 16 weeks, but is now showing 12 weeks. Why the change? Well, my due date had been a loose estimate, based on my second-to-last period (I forgot to write down the date of the last one.) So I came up with a due date based on that.

However, after an ultrasound two weeks ago to determine if I was carrying twins (why am I always more sure with each pregnancy that I'm having twins when I'm not?!) I found out that based on the ultrasound, I was only nine weeks along. Grrrr!

So not only did I apparently skip a period somewhere along the line BEFORE I got pregnant, but I am also feeling even more farther along than I thought I was. Hence, the twin scare. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for any blessings God gives me. But I might be momentarily chagrined at God's sense of humor if He gave me twins now, when I already have four children under the age of five, rather than giving them to me with the first pregnancy, when I wanted twins. I was relieved it was just one baby, although I admit there was some slight disappointment too. ;-)

It's strange to me that not only is each pregnancy different, but I seem to be experiencing more severe symptoms each time. I can only be thankful that God was so merciful in letting my first pregnancy be so easy. I can't imagine being one of those poor women who have very rough pregnancies, especially if each one was worse than the last. Yikes! I'm pretty wimpy.

With other pregnancies, I've had occasional, very slight nausea a couple of times. This usually was when I hadn't had enough to eat, particularly when I was pregnant and still breastfeeding a previous baby, such as in my second and third pregnancies. Usually a bit of food made it vanish. This time, I was having frequent nausea, though still mild. It came at weird times though, like sometimes very soon after eating. I would be sure that I didn't need food, and food sounded so unappealing anyway. So I would let it go for a half hour to an hour, as it grew worse and worse, until finally I'd just go ahead and make myself eat, and usually it went away. Why I would get morning sickness and need to eat after JUST EATING is beyond me. Pregnancy is so weird.

Anyway, I seem to be past that, and feeling better. I know that my pregnancies are still a lot easier than a lot of people's, so I'm very grateful for that. But I do worry what my tenth pregnancy will be like, at this rate! lol

The Risks (?) of Multiple Pregnancies and Cesareans

Any woman who decides to have more than the "normal" amount of children is definitely going to hear unsolicited opinions about the wiseness of their choice. This is especially true of your family members and your doctors. Your family members are probably indoctrinated from the television, and believe anything the "idiot box" says. (I am embarrassed to admit that I still haven't been able to completely break my tv habit, but I most certainly do NOT believe what talk show hosts and tv news shows tell me to believe.)

Your mother (sibling/cousin/aunt/etc.) is sure to tell you how dangerous it is, how unhealthy it is, how hard it is, how expensive it is, etc. The ironic thing is that some of these people may have had many children themselves, and got through it just fine. My mom did. We were well-fed, well-clothed, and had more than a lot of smaller families we knew, even on my dad's very small income. They have been taught by the tv and by society that anyone who has more than two or three children (at MOST) is being reckless and taking their lives in their hands. Nothing could be further from the truth. While having more children does take more of a toll on your body, if you are eating right and exercising, you can greatly minimize the impact.

When you visit your obstetrician, be prepared. With each additional child, you will feel more pressure from your doctor to tie your tubes, use contraception, etc. He or she will bombard you with frightening statistics and, if you let your guard down, make you feel foolish for even considering it. This will be even worse if you have had any c-sections...and if you've had multiple sections, they will make it sound as if your uterus will explode if you try to have even one more child.

I urge anyone wanting to have more children to research it for yourself. And not just the typical medical journal studies, either. Visit the International Cesarean Awareness Network for more information. Also read books about cesarean sections. Even women who haven't had one should research this if they plan to have more. Cesarean sections do carry risks with them, and when you have a doctor trying to talk you into your first one, or to talk you into a repeat c-section instead of a VBAC, they will minimize the risks to you in order to get you to do what they want. Once you have your third or fourth child, the doctors will suddenly tell you that the risks are too high.

With even one c-section, you raise your risk for future tubal pregnancies, placenta previa, placenta accreta, uterine rupture, and other complications during future pregnancies. These risks are not high, but they are there. The risks will raise with each c-section, though not as high as doctors often claim. If you do your research, you will find that the studies they quote often lump cases together that should be in separate categories in order to make it an honest, accurate assessment of risks in the study. When you look up studies that appropriately separate cases into more detailed categories, it gives you a more accurate picture of the risks, and you find the risks are lower than doctors often state.

One example is in the case of "uterine ruptures". This is the scare tactic used most by doctors, making it sound as if your uterus will explode and you and your child will instantly die if you get one. This is highly exaggerated. The uterine rupture that is most worrisome is the "catastrophic rupture" where your uterus tears all the way through. This can be very dangerous, and if you are not able to get into a surgery suite very quickly, there can be fatal consequences for both mother and child. However, these are rare. Most uterine ruptures are partial ruptures, where the uterine muscle tears through only part of the uterine wall. In the case of "window" ruptures, the rupture is a very small one that only goes through a layer of the uterus...it does not go all the way through. Many women get these, and they are not at all dangerous, and usually when having a c-section the doctor looks for these and repairs them. The studies often quoted by doctors usually do not differentiate between the serious and non-serious ruptures. Doctors often imply that these studies are referring to catastrophic ruptures when in reality they are lumping all types of ruptures together.

My last doctor used the "exploding uterus" ploy the last time. I expect this new doctor will use the "paper thin uterus" ploy after my next c-section. Your uterus can become thinner after many pregnancies, and this does up the risk of ruptures, but this is often exaggerated.

I cannot tell you how many women I have met who have been told that they should NEVER have another baby again, or they will surely die...and these women ignored their doctors and went on to have six, eight, or ten healthy children. Some of these women had c-sections, some didn't. All were given various reasons, all their doctors were certain that they were doomed, or that their children would be abnormal, etc. and none of their predictions turned out to be true. I met a woman once who had had NINE c-sections...so far. I know someone personally who has had seven...so far. They, like me, are quiverfull-minded.

Now, I don't want anyone to misunderstand me--c-sections can be dangerous. ANY surgery can be fatal. The thing that scares me most is blood clots. Not long ago, I heard of a woman who died three weeks after giving birth, from a blood clot that broke loose. Another mother I heard about online recently died of a blood clot when amniotic fluid leaked into her bloodstream as the baby was lifted out of her stomach. You can get a blood clot after dental surgery. So to me, blood clots scare me more than possible ruptures. My biggest piece of advice is do everything you can to avoid getting a c-section in the first place. Someone I know had one for what I personally believed wasn't a good reason. I warned her she was more likely to have tubal pregnancies, fertility problems, and more c-sections in the future. She chose to have one. Maybe it was the right decision. The next time she got pregnant it was tubal, and then couldn't get pregnant for a long time. The next pregnancy, her doctor was pushing at the end for a c-section, as I predicted. I strongly urged her not to get one. She was going to, but at the last minute was able to have it naturally. She was lucky, but she will face the same pressure from her doctor with each pregnancy.

Here is how I made my decision to keep having children. My faith. I do not believe in controlling my births. How can I say I trust God with everything...except my family size? I feel like I would be saying "God, I trust you with my marriage, my faith, my money, my life...but I know you cannot be trusted to keep my family size down to what I can handle. I just know you're going to give me twenty kids, and I know that I can't handle it. So I'm just going to cut you out of this area of my life. Sorry, but in this area, I know best." Notice all the "I" and the "I know"? I don't think most women think consciously like this, but when you break it down, that's the truth of it. Believe me, I sympathize! There are times I think "hey, just how many kids are you going to give me?!" It's a little scarier when they come close together. I really would like a large family, but in my weaker moments I just don't know how I can handle it.

And that, my friends, is the problem. "How will I handle it?" I, again. I, I, I. What we forget is that God will never give us more than we can handle....with HIS help! He will certainly give us more than we can handle alone, because we aren't meant to do it alone! Just because you don't use birth control, doesn't mean you will have twenty children. In fact, unless you are eighteen and very fertile, and don't breastfeed well, that is very unlikely. The only reason I have mine so close is that I don't produce milk well. Once I got a handle on it, I had twelve months between pregnancies, and around 22 months between births. I'm only pregnant now because I was an idiot and didn't try hard enough to do what I needed to to keep my milk production up, and ended up stopping altogether. And even then, God gave me a couple of extra months. Most people I've known personally only had around 6-8. Several I knew had only two or three. That's just all God gave them. Several I knew couldn't have any, and had to adopt. Only a handful of families had eleven or more, and they had married pretty young and had been quiverfull all along, and had babies longer than other women had.

Chances are I won't have more than six or eight. My mom went through the change early, and I may also. We'll see. I truly believe God knows best. And although my mom and my doctors think I'm crazy, I trust God as far as the c-sections go. Doesn't God carry us all in the palm of His hand? Not one hair on our heads will be harmed unless God permits it. If I die during a c-section, it will be because my time has come, not because I was "reckless" or "crazy". If it is my time to go, what better way to give up my life than in total submission to God, while giving life to another? I think that is a far better way to go than getting hit by a bus, suffering a heart attack, dying from cancer, getting mugged, or any myriad of other ways I could die. When God calls me home, I will go, and it doesn't matter if I am driving a car or giving birth. He will choose the time, and if it happens to be while I am giving birth so be it. I can't outrun it by avoiding His will. He will find me wherever I am. And hopefully when He does, I will be doing His will.

I hope everyone reads this and understands this to be an expression of my thinking and my beliefs, and not a criticism. I know others believe differently. My intention is only to express my own beliefs, and to maybe give others a new perspective to ponder.

May God bless you all, and please pray for me and my unborn child.

Question About Repeat C-Sections

I had a question a little while back in the comments section, and just recently realized that I'd overlooked it. I think it's a good question, and it's something every woman should know about. So Faraja, I apologize, and here is your question and my response:

"How did you find it having 4 c-sections (and will you need one again for the 5th?) I've had 3, and we'd love another baby but so many people (including my doctor) are saying I shouldn't do another c-section."

Well, as far as my experience with four c-sections, I hated having them. I desperately wanted to have a child normally, but let them talk me into the first one, even though I believe it was NOT necessary. This is very common. Doctors would rather do a c-section because it is quicker and easier for them, so they can get back to their office and back home, plus they consider it safer (for them) than being bothered to continue with a vaginal birth that isn't going as easily as they had hoped. It is definitely not safer for you and the baby, unless there are real signs of distress or some true need for it. "Failure to progress" and "cephalo-pelvic disproportion" (baby's head won't fit through your pelvis) are the two catch-phrases often used (and abused) as reasons for c-sections. There's no reason to be worried about "failure to progress" unless there are problems with you or the baby, such as fetal heartbeat dropping significantly. Doctors are in a big hurry nowadays. They do NOT want to let you labor. They want to get it over with, and the hospital wants that room available for the next mom.

CPD was the supposed reason for my c-section. The doctor said the baby's head wouldn't fit. Now I am more educated. After birth my son's head was perfect...there was no molding of the head at all as there should have been if my son's head had actually tried to go through my pelvis. I knew at the time the whole thing was bogus, but I was exhausted, in excruciating pain, and the nurses told me I couldn't have any more drugs unless I agreed to a c-section. Basically they blackmailed me. (All I'd had was a small dose of demerol--NEVER get that--and a half dose of an epidural.) Later after talking it over with my husband, we both believe that I wasn't fully dilated at the time they told me to push. There wasn't even a nurse in the room for about 99% of the time I pushed. It was a nightmare.

My second birth was an emergency c-section, because I had pre-eclampsia. That one I think was necessary, because as it turned out, there were also two knots in the cord. The third one I wanted to have a homebirth with a midwife, but where I lived at that time, state law prohibited midwives from attending VBAC births where there had been a c-section within less than 18 months, and I had had only thirteen months between those births. For the last birth, I had given up on finding a midwife to accept me, then heard that in this area, there are some women who have had safe home births after three or four c-sections. I found a couple of midwives who would have done it, but because of my other health risks (weight, gestational diabetes, etc.) and the fact that I was so far along (in my third trimester) they decided against taking me. I was pretty devastated. But this time I actually found a holistically-based hospital, and (as c-sections go) it was very enjoyable. The staff was great, the room was great, they even doulas and masseuses on staff. I had to travel an hour to get to the hospital, but it was worth it.

I was fortunate that my recovery from all of my c-sections has been relatively easy compared to some women, and my pregnancies haven't been bad either. However, I will say that each successive pregnancy and each surgery has been a little harder each time. Not only am I having more children than the average mom today, but I'm having them closer than most women (who breastfeed) do. So with the stress on my body, plus my age (almost 35), I guess it's to be expected that each pregnancy and surgery might be a little tougher.

I'll comment more on the risks (and the exaggerations about them) of c-sections in the next post.

Carrots, Anyone?

Last weekend I purchased a juicer. The Juiceman Jr. was on sale at Target for $39.99. I also picked up a 25# bag of organic carrots for $17.99 at the local health food store. They called them "juicing" carrots (aka broken or stubby carrots, lol). But they were a great deal.

Now, carrots are supposed to be refrigerated. Okay...what do I do with 25 POUNDS of carrots? I took some gallon ziploc bags and squeezed as many carrots as I could into them. It took 6 and 1/3 gallon size bags. My husband said "you need to juice every day to use these up!" LOL

The upside is: I finally found a way to get my younger son to "eat" carrots...he doesn't like to chew them, he's a lazy chewer! At least I can get in the nutrition of the carrots--I'm not worried about the fiber, they get plenty of fiber. The downside to carrot juice is that it stains, you have to be careful...oh, and the juicer makes a somewhat pulpy juice, so it can't be used in a sippy cup. Staining juice + sippy cup without the seal + one destructive kid = a disaster! Well, we haven't had one yet, because I sit with him while he drinks it. But I DO have four children, so the chances of me getting distracted and him pouring it everywhere is probably pretty high!

Meanwhile, I need to use up these carrots. Hmmm....carrot soup? Carrot cake? Carrots, anyone?

The Master Cleanse

In my online browsing, I came upon something very interesting last week. It is called The Master Cleanse, also known as the lemonade diet. It's not really a diet, it is a cleanse, which is something you do that is meant to cleanse your system of toxins and impurities. There are different cleanses, done in different ways. Kevin Trudeau's book recommends several cleanses, especially if you need to lose weight. He mentions a colon cleanse, a liver/gallbladder cleanse, a Candida cleanse (I KNOW I need to do one of those), and a general cleanse. The Master Cleanse is the ultimate cleanse, it cleanses your whole body.

In a nutshell, you drink a lemonade mix that you make at home for at least ten days. Some people go 30-40 days, but it seems like they usually do that the second time around. During this time, you eat nothing. The lemonade mix is supposed to keep you from being hungry and give you the energy you need. You also do "salt water flushes" to help...um..."flush" you out, if you know what I mean. They also recommend senna tea, like the "Smoothe Move" brand, to help you along.

I've heard of juice fasting before, but not cleansing. I NEVER would have considered this before (heck, I can't even stay on a diet) until after I read the online journals of people who have done it. If done properly, they say you aren't hungry at all, and after a few days, you feel great, full of energy. The first few days, you are getting adjusted, and the worst of the toxins are working themselves out of your body. After day 3, your energy is supposed to kick in, and you feel alert and better than ever.

There are some "side-effects". Your tongue turns white, your breath isn't as fresh, and you might be cranky at first. You won't be hungry (as long as you keep drinking the lemonade), although you may have dreams about food, or dream you broke the fast, and you wake up upset. Usually you lose some weight, but not everyone. Some people lose a lot. It seems that the average I've been hearing on a ten day cleanse is 10-14 pounds. The most I've heard of so far is 61 pounds on a 34 day (so far) cleanse, and I think this guy was pretty overweight. Some people, in an effort to keep losing weight, continue to drink the lemonade after the fast, during the day, then eat a healthy meal at night. Kind of like a Slim-Fast diet without all the chemicals. Probably works better too, since the lemonade mix is supposed to help keep you from being hungry.

The ingredients for the drink are:

freshly-squeezed organic lemon juice
pure water
organic, formaldehyde-free, grade B maple syrup
cayenne pepper

The maple syrup add necessary nutrients and sweetness, the cayenne helps things "move along" inside you, and the lemon juice has many amazing properties. Helps keep hunger down, has excellent enzymes, helps break things up inside, etc. I was amazed when I found out all the benefits of lemon juice.

Here are more links for information:

The recipe
An online journal of one person's experience
A site with great info (same as link at beginning of post), cheapest source I've found for maple syrup
Another site to buy ingredients, get info
The Master Cleanse by Stanley Burroughs, if you're too cheap to buy the book
A juicer comparison chart, compares some brands, very informational, read it before you go running out and buying a juicer

I've heard wonderful things about how you feel after doing this cleanse. People who do them often repeat it a few times a year. A lot of people have reported having some medical conditions go away during the cleanse, and some smokers have been able to break their habit during it. It seems to "reset" the body. One young woman whose journal I read had a bad case of gout, and it was gone by the time she ended the cleanse.

Like I said, I normally wouldn't consider even thinking about this, normally. But I've done a great deal of research on it, and I am excited to try it. The bad thing is I'm home all day with my refrigerator, and I have a family to feed. I'd like my husband to do it, but there's one problem...this lemonade diet is EXPENSIVE!! I figured out that with all the supplies, it will probably cost $100-110 for only ten days on the Master Cleanse, and that's not including a juicer. You need a juicer, you get only half the juice if you do it by hand, and the most expensive part is the organic lemons. I figured almost $70 for the lemons, $28 plus shipping for the maple syrup, I have organic cayenne already, another $4-5 for jugs of purified water, and another $4-5 for the tea. The juicer, if I can't find one used, will be around $50...I plan on buying the Juiceman Jr. There are a few cheaper ones around at Target or Kmart, but I don't trust the brand names for those.

I'd love a Champion, because it's a masticating juicer, and it makes higher quality juice with less oxidation. BUT it's $230!

So I'll just be settling for a Juiceman Jr. It's only $50 at Target, and as a centrifugal juicer, it makes more juice.


I'm still trying to figure out if we can afford for me to do the cleanse. Unfortunately, being impulsive, I went out and bought two days' worth of lemons already. I'm such an idiot. Buy the lemons...THEN calculate the cost! Duh. But at some point I will do it, because I think it would be a great, healthy experience.

If you think about doing The Master Cleanse, first research it online, then buy and read the books. Everyone says you NEED to read the books. There is a yahoo group dedicated to the cleanse, but they ask you to read the book before asking questions.

If you're not interested in cleansing, look into juicing. I've been hearing great things about it, how energetic fresh juice makes you feel. The grocery store juices are "dead"...little vitamins, no enzymes, etc. I thought it would be too expensive, but there are options. My health food store carries organic "juicing" carrots, $18 for 25#. Pretty good price for organic. And many health food stores offer discounts when you buy in bulk.

Good luck, happy juicing!

Natural Cures book

Lately I've been reading a really good book. It's called "More Natural 'Cures' Revealed" by Kevin Trudeau. It is meant as a sequel to his earlier book, "Natural Cures 'They' Don't Want You To Know About." I had his first book for a while. I read it and it was interesting, but didn't seem to have that many cures. Mostly it said to go to his website for more information. Of course, the website was members-only, and charged a monthly fee. I kind of blew it off after that. Then I checked out his second book after seeing the new infomercial (I admit it, I love infomercials, even the silly ones, I don't know why, but I do). The new one was really interesting. He names more specific products in his book. I think the problem with the first one was I just skimmed it, and missed a lot. They're meant to be read front to back.

When I went through the first book again, I realized there is a lot of good information in it, especially on weight loss. Some of it is stuff I've heard about before, some is new (to me). "More Natural 'Cures'Revealed" is good, but there are a few chapters of goofiness you have to wade through. For some reason he goes on and on about how he was in a "secret society" that controls the world, and even got to see the "aliens" at area 51. Seriously.

Now, I actually am a bit of a "conspiracy-theory" believer myself. But while I believe there are some conspiracies out there, I'm just not buying Kevin Trudeau as part of it. Mostly because his story isn't believable.

In fact, he loses a lot of credibility because of that, in my opinion. His point is to show you how bad Big Pharmaceuticals is, and how the FTC is out to get him. I think he realized that his last book talking about "them" really drew a crowd of buyers that were big into conspiracy theories, and so he thought it would sell more books if he put more of that stuff in there. And even if it were true, the first few chapters of the silly stuff is just going to turn off anyone not heavily into conspiracies, and make him lose credibility.

Aside from the secret society stuff, it's a good book with a lot of really good information now. And if you go to his website, he now gives a one week trial for free, so you can check out the website first. I haven't done it yet, it's not something we can afford right now (they count n people like me who forget to quit before the free trial is up), but I'd like to someday. I think the free trial was definitely a smart business move. I never buy memberships to websites, because you hear so often about sites that charge, only to find out there is other stuff on the web just like it for free. This way you can try before you buy.

A lot of the cures in his book are things that you can easily find on the web. But there is a lot of stuff that I don't think is commonly heard of. And it's nice to have all the information in just one place. If you buy the book, don't buy it from him or from Amazon. Get it at Sam's Club, it's ten dollars cheaper there. Or from Walmart, where it's slightly more. I think both books are worth the money.

I'll probably post some stuff from his books in the near future. I think everyone should be aware of how our food and environment are being poisoned by the food industry, agribusiness, and the government. (I'm definitely NOT an environmentalist, but I think God put us in charge down here, and we should keep a poison-free food and water supply.) Nothing is pure, as God intended it, anymore. The only way to make ourselves healthier is to avoid the fake stuff and the poisoned stuff, and eat organic food. "Natural Cures 'They' Don't Want You to Know About" and "More Natural Cures Revealed" will give you a lot of information on how to chose the right food and products.

Feeling Down

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a long while. I've had a hard month, and just couldn't put into words how I felt.

I don't think I'm going to be able to get the surgery. It's a long story, and I just don't feel like writing about it right now. I have been so depressed over it. I've been trying to just really restrict my calories, but I can't do any diet for more than a day or two, as usual. I try so hard, but then I either get really hungry at the end of the day, or the stress of the day just builds up to where I can't stand it anymore, and I don't care about dieting. I just feel really miserable right now. I hate what I see when I look in the mirror. I don't even care about being skinny, I just want to look normal. You know, not have my stomach sticking way out past my chest, and not having a huge apron of fat hanging off my stomach.

If I were rich, I would forget about dieting. I would get a personal trainer and work my way into a good workout routine, eat healthier, and try to slowly reduce the amount of food I ate. I would have a major tummy tuck and some lipo done on my stomach, hips, and double chin. Then I think I could be satisfied enough with the way I look. It think it would even help me stay motivated so I could lose a few more pounds.

One thing I have decided to do for sure, is NOT GAIN any more weight. I got up to 253, my new all-time, non-pregnant high. Great. I'm down below 250 now, wavering up and down. I have resolved that I will NOT go over 250 again. If I had done that back when I weighed 200, I wouldn't be so miserable now. I didn't like being 200, but at least I could find clothes that fit. So from now on, when I see my weight getting to 249, I will be very careful what I eat until I lose a few pounds. I'll just have to weigh myself religiously.

I'm double-posting this on my other blog, Weigh Out of Control, and I will try to put any posts about my weight on there, rather than here, so the skinny people don't have to listen to me whining! I'll try to post some other topics as soon as I feel up to it. Unfortunately, the way I feel right now, homemaking and my other interests are just not something I can keep my concentration on right now. Hopefully I can get out of this funk soon.

Thank you to those who have posted comments in support of me. I really appreciate it, especially from those who are going through the same thing, and understand how I feel.

Support, Please

I've been getting some feedback, emails, etc. from readers (and a couple of relatives who know), who are concerned about my chosing to have the lap-band surgery. I know some people are concerned that I am taking the "easy" way out (anyone who knows anything about WLS--weight loss surgery--knows it is anything BUT the easy way out) or that I haven't tried hard enough or long enough to lose the weight. That gets kind of annoying, because most of these people either aren't heavy or aren't as heavy as I am. Sometimes you find someone who WAS as heavy as me, and finally managed to lose it. Time will tell if they'll keep it off. Maybe they will. But the facts are that only 3-4% of people who diet will keep it off. The rest will regain the weight eventually, and usually a little more. Studies have shown yo-yo dieting is actually more dangerous than staying fat.

The difficult thing about being so overweight is that once your body gets this heavy, it is very hard to lose more than a small percentage of it, because your body thinks its supposed to be this way, and will hold onto the weight any way it can. Sure it's possible to lose it, but it is SOOOOOOOOOO hard. If you've never been more than 100 pounds overweight, you would not understand. Losing 20 pounds is nothing like losing 100. And of course, there is the emotional issue. Unless someone has a physical problem (thyroid problem, medication side-effect, etc.) then they didn't get fat without some emotional eating going on. So not only is your body addicted to the sugar and other junk you may eat, but worse still, you are emotionally addicted to overeating. You use food as comfort, to stuff down your emotions. We all have something we use to deal with stress--alcohol, drugs, food, sex, exercise. My habit just happens to make me fat.

My major problem in trying to lose weight is discouragement. I try so hard, and see little result. Then a stressful situation arises, and I am miserable, and thinking "why bother, why suffer just to stay fat anyway?" And so I eat. Now, I don't sit in the closet and eat a bag of oreos in the middle of the night. Really, I don't. Everyone assumes you must, to be so fat. Well I didn't get fat overnight! You don't necessarily have to eat massive amounts of food to get fat. I ate normally, maybe sometimes overeating a little...but I drank regular soda constantly for two or more years. Whoops! How did that sixty pounds jump onto my butt?! Soda, my friends. Soda. Of course, drinking all that soda (in my opinion) stretched out my stomach, and I started eating more and more. I've given up the soda, and I try not to keep junk in the house. I try to make it so that if I want junk, at least I have to go drive somewhere to get it, and I don't stock up on it. Unless I get depressed, then I might get enough junk to ration it out over three days.

Now I can honestly say I do overeat. I eat too much at meals--not huge amounts, but too much. My problem now is grazing all day. Being home all day is a killer when you're heavy. I have all the time in the world to stare into the fridge and decide what to eat next, and often I don't realize I'm doing it. I'm also too lazy to cook for myself. I don't like cooking, so I'll cook for my family, but I don't like to go to too much trouble to make my own lunch.

I know everyone has my best interests at heart, but it is very discouraging to hear all about how someone else lost their weight, and I should do it too. Believe me, there isn't anything you can tell me about the risks of weight loss surgery that I haven't already found out about. I have been researching this for two years. I read through dozens of memorials for WLS patients who died, to find out which surgery they had, what they died from, etc. Most of the time people quote me the risks, they are usually referring to the risks of Gastric Bypass or some other WLS, not adjustable gastric banding (Lap-Band). And often it is second, third or fourth-hand information. I would never make any serious decision without thoroughly researching it first.

Also, I have weight-related health problems that make it necessary to lose weight as soon as I can. I'm not going into my personal health history, but one thing I will tell you is that I have two defective heart valves that will need replacing in the next 5-10 years. That means open-heart surgery. My chances of dying during this serious operation will triple if I do not lose the weight and KEEP it off. The risks of dying from the lap-band are extremely small...basically the same as any routine operation (if any operation is routine), such as a c-section or hernia operation, both of which I have had. Most of the serious complications found in studies of U.S. lap-band trials were due to inexperienced surgeons who have done less than 100 bands. I will not be using an inexperienced surgeon. Adjustable gastric banding is the gold standard of WLS in Europe and Australia, where long-term studies of the band have been done, showing much more successful statistics. American surgeons are no longer in the "clinical trial" stage with the band, and are much more experienced, on the whole.

Believe me people, I've tried plenty of diets: South Beach, Sommersize, Weight Watchers, all natural, several diets of my own making, starving, "miracle" herbal supplements, Atkins (twice), you name it. The only one that worked was Atkins, and it was not worth it. The lack of carbohydrates made me so cranky and nasty that it wasn't worth it, and it threw me into a year-long depression. (Some people don't experience this, but many do). And of course, I gained back the weight, as well as a few extra pounds.

I am definitely not doing this to look like a model, or fit into a size 2, or anything like that. I am doing this to be the healthy, happy, productive, best wife and mother that I can, and should, be.

I would prefer if people would not tell me that I'm making the wrong choice, or that I haven't tried hard enough, or that I haven't tried the right diet yet. No one but me knows what I have tried, or how hard I worked at it, or what choice is right for me. I know these people are just trying to help, but in the end, it only makes me feel worse. I understand if someone doesn't agree or can't support my choice to get banded, but in that case I would rather they not say anything, if they can't be supportive. To me, being supportive isn't telling me I'm making a rash or uninformed decision, when I'm not...even if they mean well. Right now, support is the one thing I need, and except for my wonderful husband, I have no other support system.

The most important thing you can do, is keep me in your prayers. Thank you for thinking of me!

WLS Update

Wow, long time no post! I've been spending all my online time researching Weight Loss Surgery, doctors, hospitals, etc. For one insane day I actually was considering gastric bypass, because a doctor at WLS informational seminar was really pushing it, and putting down the band (pretty typical--bypass is what they're comfortable with). But luckily I didn't allow myself to be swayed (well, not for long) by the great before and after pictures and rapid weight loss of the RNY gastric bypass patients.

I researched the possible complications, not only the "death rate" (which is woefully under-reported, as many bypass patients die months, even years later) but also the problems talked about on the yahoo group OSSG-gone_wrong. I searched the archives and found a HUGE "laundry list" of repeated complaints--health problems that were strongly suspected to come from vitamin deficiencies, even when patients took their vitamins. Just a FEW are: vision loss, memory loss, tooth loss, cancer, osteoporosis, depression, suicide...the list goes on and on. And these are YOUNG women we're talking about. So NO, no RNY for me!

I am still wanting to do the band. My only major concern with that surgery is the number of fills I may end up having to get, because each pregnancy I'll have to have the band unfilled, then refilled later, and probably adjusted a few times. Lotsa buckaroonies, people, and not covered by my insurance. Multiply that by all the pregnancies I'll probably have...and we all know how often I get pregnant, don't we? ;-)

The research I've done the last week has just confirmed for me the relative safety of the lap band surgery. I say "relative", because ANY surgery can kill you, just from blood clots and infections alone. General anesthesia and the fact that I'm overweight just add to the risks. But it's no riskier than a c-section. In fact, in my case, it would be less risky. And I believe that if it is my time to die, I will die no matter where I am--at home, on a bus, or in an operating room--assuming I'm not being reckless, that is. I would consider the RNY reckless for me, in my opinion and in my particular circumstance. I just don't feel that I am fat enough or sick enough to take on the risks of that surgery. But lap band is another story. Much fewer risks, and the risks themselves are less severe. And it's adjustable and much easier to have removed in an emergency. I'm not selling the band to anyone, just stating my reasoning.

Weight Loss Surgery

I've fought with my weight for a long time. Very little seems to make a difference. The only diet that worked at all for me was Atkins, and I had to go off it because the lack of carbohydrates made me really cranky and depressed.

My weight has gone back up. I am bouncing between 247 and 250, mostly staying around 249. I can't take it any more. I try so hard, and nothing works. If I saw some real progress, maybe I could stick with it. But I'm just not the kind of person who deprive myself on a constant basis without seeing some real benefit.

I've looked into weight loss surgery for quite a while. I concluded almost immediately that gastric bypass was not something I would consider. Perhaps if I weighed another 100 pounds, or had more serious co-morbidities (weight-related health problems) I would consider it. But the risks are just too high in my opinion. Plus I don't believe in cutting out body parts that God gave you. Yes, technically they're still in you, but you've surgically separated them. Plus there are so many miserable and serious complications you can suffer afterwards.

Then I found the Lap-Band...adjustable gastric banding. It is similar to gastric bypass in that it restricts your food intake, but your stomach is not separated, nor are your intestines bypassed. All they do is put a silicone band around the top of your stomach. It has a tube leading away from it that ends in a "port" that is sewn near the front of your abdomen. The silicone band restricts the amount of food you can eat by forming a pouch at the top of your stomach, which is very small and fills up quickly. But unlike the gastric bypass, the food still goes through the rest of your stomach and intestines. Six weeks or so after surgery, you go to the doctor for a "fill". The doctor locates the port in your abdomen, numbs the area, puts a syringe into the port and puts a little saline solution in, which inflates the band, making it a little tighter around your stomach. That gives you more restriction, and this is what makes it adjustable.


If you find that you're able to eat too much, you get another fill. If you need the band looser, say for pregnancy, you can get unfilled. If you have problems with the band, it is reversible. You can have it surgically removed. There is a much lower risk of death, fewer and less serious complications possible, and you will ultimately lose just as much weight with the Lap-Band as with gastric bypass. The weight usually does come off slower, but that is better anyway, to give your skin a chance to get its elasticity back, so you can have less hanging skin.

Lap-Band is the "gold standard" in most other countries. And if your insurance doesn't cover it and you're paying for it yourself, you can travel to another country and get it done much cheaper, by doctors who are much more experienced. The doctors here are fairly new at it, because it is a newer surgery in this country. So often when you go in for a seminar or doctor's appointment, they try to steer you towards the bypass.

There are risks, but if you choose a surgeon who has done at least 100 bands, the risk is very small. Also, since it is done laparascopically instead of an open incision, the healing time is less.

My insurance does cover it, and I am definitely eligible. I am applying this week for approval. Please pray that I get it, and quickly, and that I can keep up my breastfeeding so that I will not get pregnant. I will have to stop breastfeeding before the surgery (American doctors' rules), so after the surgery I will have my priest's permission to use natural family planning to avoid pregnancy for at least a year to allow time to lose the weight (docs say 18-24 months, but they're so anti-pregnancy anyway).

I have researched this for a year and a half and done a lot of thinking and weighing the risks and the benefits, and I think this is the best choice for me and my family. My family deserves a wife and mother who is healthy and capable of fulfilling her duties, and can't be that person the way that I am right now.

For more information, check out Lap-Band.com and the information about lap-band on Obesity Help. Obesity Help has forums and reviews from many patients for their surgery, the hospital they used, and their surgeon. However, this site is for all weight loss surgeries, so keep this in mind when reading testimonials, reviews, etc. Also search for bandsters and Lap-Band support groups on Yahoo. People who have the band often refer to themselves as "bandsters".

If you are interested in getting the lap-band but would have to pay for it yourself, I would recommend going to Mexico. I know, your first thought is "eeeeeww" but there are surgeons there who specialize in this surgery. The important thing is to pick a good one, and a good hospital. The best I've heard of is Dr. Kuri in Tijuana. I've talked to many people who've gone to him, they all swear by him (though most bandsters LOVE their surgeons, anyway). He's done more than 1200 surgeries, teaches other doctors in Mexico and the U.S. how to do the surgery, and it only costs around $10,000. In Mexico you get excellent attention from the staff, and many people who get their band there go back to Mexico for follow-up plastic surgery to remove excess skin. But again, research is VERY important.

Please keep my intentions in your prayers. Pray that I am approved quickly, that I don't get pregnant til way after the surgery, and that the surgery is safe and successful. Thank you!

Supplements Galore!

I'm trying to be healthier, and as part of that plan I am taking supplements. Or trying to remember to, lol. First, I am taking Fenugreek, to maintain my breastmilk supply. I've had supply issues with all my children, and to combat this, I take the Fenugreek. It works excellent! I use the Nature's Way brand. Usually it works within hours. I tried another brand, Nature's Herbs, and it didn't work at all.

I had a big reduction in my milk this week and had run out a while back, so I called all around within a fifty mile radius, and after calling Nature's Way directly, found a place over 25 miles away that carried it. It was worth the drive. My milk is back and my poor baby is happy again! (Not that it hurt her weight--she was in the 95th percentile for both height and weight at her doctor's appointment yesterday!) Please make note that this supplement can lower your blood sugar, for those who have blood sugar issues, and this should NEVER be taken while pregnant.

I also take a prenatal vitamin, because I'm breastfeeding, and calcium. (Okay, I admit I haven't been taking these for a while, but I've started back up again.) This week I started taking Emergen-C and Noni juice. I've read Noni has many healing and curative properties. However, I warn you: it is NASTY NASTY NASTY tasting. Did I mention it's nasty? It's really really gross. If it weren't supposed to be so good for you (and if I didn't spend $10 at Walmart on it) I wouldn't take it again. Today, I poured 1 ounce of it into four ounces of OJ, held my nose (most of your taste actually comes from your sense of smell) and chugged it. Then, still holding my nose, I rinsed out the glass a few times, and my mouth, then I refilled the glass with a few ounces of straight OJ, drank that, then ate a snack bar to make sure to replace any lingering bad taste. LOL--silly, but it worked!

So here I was popping four fenugreek capsules, a prenatal vitamin, two calcium, four ounces of water mixed with Emergen-C powder, and the OJ and Noni Juice with an OJ and snack bar chaser! All I can say is, I'd better feel healthy and energized today!!!

I've heard a lot of really good things about cod liver oil, but it's at least twenty dollars for a bottle that I'm sure wouldn't last a month. So, for the time being, I'll stick with the "laundry list" of supplements I'm already taking. :-)

Depression, Negative Thinking, and a Merry Heart...

Today I stumbled across some articles on Titus2.com's Dad's and Mom's Corners. I've seen that website before, and have heard many recommendations of it, including for their book, "Managers of Their Homes", or MOTH, its nickname. But I never looked at the site much, mostly because of its somewhat slick, commercial feel. I've often found that the more "commercial" type of websites that are selling stuff usually are a waste of time, so I bypassed Titus2.

However, taking a second look at it, I found the Corners articles, and they are extremely helpful and informative for any Christian familly, but particularly growing, quiverfull families.

Their articles on depression (September 2000)were very interesting. I have struggled with this myself, and it is very difficult. I wish I had read these articles when was dealing with depression last year, it would have helped a lot (the depression has lifted quite a bit since the birth of my baby). They also have articles on negative thinking, a merry heart, a mother's hard work, and much more. I think these subjects are very important for those of us with growing families, because there are many moms who become overwhelmed and slip into depression.

I believe depression is partly physical/hormonal, but I think it is often exacerbated by allowing yourself to think negatively, feel sorry for yourself, not sticking to a household routine or schedule, and letting the house get cluttered and dirty. I know coming down each morning to a chaotic mess definitely affects my moood. The days when I have breakfast planned, the morning dishes set out and ready, the children's clothes and diapers set out, my own clothes picked out, and dinner planned, it makes a huge difference in my mood and ability to cope with stress.

I found the June 2002 Dad's Corner very good also, on not having a critical spirit. They recommend that women not read the dad's corners first, and some shouldn't be read by women at all (usually denoted by "For Men Only" after the title. But I found that particular dad's corner to be useful to women also. The September 2000 Dad's corner about helping your wife during her depression was excellent, also. I think if you have this problem, it would be good to find an inoffensive way to get your husband to read it. It will help him understand and deal with it, which will help you also.

I think many of these articles are useful for homemaking moms. And whether you've dealt with depression or not, we could all use help with some of the topics that Steve and Teri Maxwell write about in these articles, so I would highly recommend them!