Truly Trusting God--Being "Quiverfull"

I just re-read the post before last, where I first mentioned the aneurysm and the fact that it was caught in time to get it fixed--if I wasn't pregnant. Then in my last post, I mentioned the baby was a girl. LOL! Guess there should have been an "announcement" post in between!

So...what was my reaction to this news, and what does this mean for my health? Well, I already knew from my research at that point that getting pregnant with an aneurysm at all was a risky proposition, since pregnancy hormones make your connective tissue (including arteries) stretchier. When you have an aneurysm (which is a weakened, bulged or stretched-out section of a blood vessel), making your blood vessels even stretchier with pregnancy hormones isn't the greatest idea. Not to mention, I don't just have an aneurysm and a bicuspid valve--both those conditions are symptoms of a greater problem...Bicuspid Aortic Valve Disease. This is a type of connective tissue disorder, which means that my connective tissue (including arteries) has a tendency to weaken, which is why aneurysms can happen. So adding pregnancy to the mix wouldn't have been my first choice.

I have found out since my diagnosis that my aneurysm was NOTED in the results of at least THREE prior tests, but for some reason my old cardiologists and/or radiologists didn't seem to think that it was important to tell me I had an aneurysm in a bad place that was already big enough to dissect or rupture. Rupture--as in, KILL me! No big deal, right? Sheesh! Had I known, I could have had the aneurysm repaired before baby number 4 OR baby number 5!!! Which is what I would have chosen to do. Now I can't get it repaired without seriously endangering the life of my baby. So now I wait. I know some of you would say that if I really cared about my other children, I would take the risk and have the surgery, rather than leave them motherless. There are worse things than being motherless...like having a mother that passes on a legacy of treating a new life with disdain, and shows you that she values her life over that of your unborn sibling...which implies that she values her life over yours. That's not a message I want to send to my children. Just my view point on the subject.

That's not to say that I think having the surgery is necessarily a mortal sin or anything. It is not equivalent to an abortion if I had the aneurysm repair surgery and the baby died as a result. That would not be doing anything directly to the baby. In fact, should my aorta was to start to dissect, I would have the surgery. In such a case, I would be in immediate and extremely high risk of death, and I would feel justified in getting the surgery, even though I'd feel awful if the baby died. In such a case, having the surgery may be the baby's only chance to live. I know I could get the surgery now, and it wouldn't necessarily be a sin if the baby should die. But for me that would be a morally "gray" area. The doctors say I could die any time. But I might not. There's no real statistics on this kind of thing, because it depends on the person and the circumstances.

So how did I feel when I found out I was pregnant? Not thrilled. It seemed like bad timing to me. I was really worried about dying. I was worried about my other kids. I spent a few days kind of freaking out, and worrying. I saw a surgeon to ask his opinion on getting surgery right away. My reasoning was if I was going to need surgery during the pregnancy, I'd rather do it soon, as it would be easier on me if I lost the baby early on, rather than later. He said if I chose to get surgery, I should go into it assuming the baby will die. That really struck home. I went home and prayed about it, and knew what I had to do.

God gave me this baby at this time for some reason. Even if this baby doesn't survive, she still has a purpose. Every life has a purpose. The only reason I was afraid was because my faith was weak. Many people have asked me online how I would feel if having another baby would jeopardize my life. It was easy then to say that I would feel the same. It was harder, once actually faced with that decision...especially because it was a dark time, faith-wise, for me. Now that I have passed through that valley, I can honestly say I still feel the same way.

At left: a beautiful life at 21 weeks gestation (stock photo, not my baby)

My time to die has been pre-ordained by God. On that day, I will die, whether I am carrying a child and die from a ruptured aneurysm, or if I am hit by a bus crossing the street. Personally, I'd rather go the first way. It seems, to me, to be a more "worthy" way to die. I'm not sure if "worthy" is the word I'm looking for...but you get the idea. Not that getting hit by a bus is "unworthy"...but if I get hit by a bus only because I didn't cooperate with the will of God and accept the gift of a child, thereby accepting the death He originally chose for me, then perhaps it is a less worthy death.

Once I made the decision to accept the will of God, I felt a tremendous peace. I have had a renewal of my faith, although I still feel I have a ways to go to get back to where I had been. I truly see this baby, and the aneurysm, as a gift from God. Even the aneurysm? Yes. Had I not been diagnosed with it, perhaps my waning faith would have been extinguished completely, and that would have left me and my family in dire spiritual straights. I truly feel that I will be okay, at least until the baby is born. I get a sense that God will reward me for accepting His plan. If I am wrong in having that feeling...if I did die from having this baby or the aneurysm, I would not regret my decision one bit. I'd rather die following the will of God than live while fleeing from it. There are worse things than physical death.

At right: Polyptych, "Life and Death of the Virgin"...who better than the mother of Our Lord to exemplify obedience and a good death?

All this does not mean I don't have compassion for those struggling with similar circumstances, or those who have made a different decision. While I may not agree with what others have chosen, I still sympathize with their plight. But if I were to make this post more politically or socially correct in order to avoid offending others, than I wouldn't be me. And it wouldn't be honest, either. If others find my opinions offensive, there are millions of politically and socially "correct" blogs out there to read. There are pitifully few blogs that tell things like they are, and say the things that need to be said. But if this post upsets many, yet helps a few, I'm more concerned about the few I may have helped. The others can always hit the "back" button. ;-) I do it all the time when I read something I think is idiotic! I don't even waste my time commenting.

Fortunately as time goes on, my options are increasing. My cardiologist is watching the aneurysm, doing monthly echocardiograms to make sure it's not growing. So far so good. If it does start to show growth, he will want to do surgery. Since I am getting close to the time that the baby is viable (24 weeks), that will give us the option of delivering the baby premature, if necessary. I hope to avoid that, but it is good to know it's an option soon. It would be far better for the baby to be delivered than remain in utero for a deep hypothermic open heart surgery.

So keep us in your prayers, please!

New Posts Soon!...And an Update.

Hello! I've been AWOL for quite some time. It seems having five children isn't conducive to blogging. Well, for me, anyway! I plan to start blogging a lot more. I have some interesting stuff I'm planning to do, and I thought I should share.

What's in the works? This spring I plan to start my very first garden. I will be picking out heirloom organic seeds and learning a lot. In preparation for that, and to off-set the high price of organic winter vegetable cost, I may be trying my hand at indoor veggie growing. Just a few plants to get some practice in.

Also, I am ramping up our preparedness supplies. This economy is very troubling, and I'm not the only one out there freaking out about the "what ifs", should a serious recession or depression come about. So I will be re-stocking our pantry. I'll also be re-organizing our new home, and redecorating on a budget. Nothing fancy, but repainting, and repurposing "junk" furniture into something beautiful. Our goal is to become more self-sufficient.

In order to achieve that goal, we will be adding animals to our mini-homestead. We plan to add chickens soon. I'm trying to talk my husband into a goat or mini-cow, but he wants nothing to do with it right now. (He knows he'll be doing the milking, lol.) Right now we're buying raw milk (soooo good, and good for you), but I'd like a better source...preferably me! I plan on starting to make homemade raw yogurt, buttermilk, piima, creme fraiche, cheese, etc. I need a milk with higher cream content to do that. We'll see what happens.

I'd like to add some meat animals to our homestead, but I think we'll have to make do with chickens. We're just going to buy a few fully grown laying hens for now, and probably get a mix of meat and layer chicks in the spring.

Now for the updates: so far, my aorta is still in one piece! My symptoms are getting a little worse, but the cardiologist isn't sure exactly what is causing them, as neither the aneurysm nor my bicuspid valve should be bad enough to cause these symptoms. But he's modest enough to admit that we are still learning new stuff every year about these conditions, so there's no way to be sure. His plan is for me to have the surgery right after my c-section. The surgeon he sent me to disagrees, and wants to wait three months. I'm going to another hospital to see a doctor who specializes in pregnant patients with heart problems, so we are waiting until after that consultation to make any plans.

My pregnancy is going fine. Except that I am HORRENDOUSLY congested, especially at night. Since I use a CPAP machine for my sleep apnea, I have to breathe through my nose, which doesn't help....since I can't breathe! I'm almost wondering if I've developed allergies. We got cats two months ago, and it seems that shortly after that is when I developed some symptoms. I've never had allergies before, but developing allergies as an adult can happen.

At right: "Prayer of the Expectant Mother"

Oh, and I'm hovering near the dreaded 300-pound mark. I can't seem to stay raw this time around. So I'm focusing on trying to do a Nourishing Traditions style diet, and at least do raw green smoothies every day. But it seems inevitable that I will hit the 300 mark, which I swore I'd never do. It's really depressing.

Well, folks (if I have any readers left, lol...I never stick around when someone stops posting) tune in soon, I should have something interesting to read

One more update....it's a girl! She is due mid-February.

Upcoming Ultrasound

I know my posts are few and far between. It is nearly impossible to sign into Blogger now that Google took it over. Ever since then, when I try to sign into Blogger, it shuts down my browser almost every time. I just haven't found any other free blogging sites I like to switch over to, so until then, I'll do the best I can to post (when Google Blogger lets me).

I have a level II ultrasound this week. This is to check on the baby's development and make sure all is normal. Since I have gestational diabetes, E antibodies, and I'm sooooo old (lol), they want to check. I told the doc that's fine, as long as he knows that I'm not aborting my baby if there's anything wrong. Quite frankly, I don't really want to know if anything is wrong, unless there's something that can be done about it (intra-uterine surgery, etc.). The last thing I need is to spend the next five months worrying about something I can't change!

I'm sure it will be normal. My anti E titers were low, and I haven't heard differently about the titer I took last week, so I assume that was low also. I REALLY need to change my eating. It's been pretty terrible the last few months. My husband is not being nearly as supportive as he normally is. I tried to go cold turkey on any refined carbs last week, and the very day I start that, he decided to "help" me by making a cake with chocolate frosting, just to "get rid of it." Yeah, smelling cake baking and seeing the chocolate frosting was a big help. I held out all day, and then got so frustrated I decided to have some. But he and the kids had eaten it all, and that just made me mad, so I went to the store and bought a bunch of junk. I know, it's my own fault. But you don't help an alcoholic by drinking a bottle of vodka in front of them...so it follows that you don't help a fat person by eating cake in front of them. Grrr!

Normally he's been great in the past, taking up any diet I wanted to try. But I've noticed the last few times he's been less and less supportive. I wish I knew why. I'm very weak-willed, and the only times I've been successful at weight-loss was when he supported me. I guess we just need to sit down and talk about it. If I don't get my blood sugar under control, I'm going to have to take insulin. And I DON'T want to do that, if I don't have to.

The Big "E"

When my doctor told me I had developed E antibodies, he gave me VERY little information. The more questions I asked, the more he repeated the same answers, in the same vague, difficult to understand way. When I left, I wasn't sure if what I had was a disease, or what, so I was a little panicked. All he told me was that I'd probably have to go to a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist, and the baby would probably have to be delivered premature.

Naturally, I went home and did my own research. There wasn't much out there. I'll give you a synopsis of what I learned, but I'm not a doctor, so cut me some slack. ;-) If you know of anything I got wrong and have a reputable website online to refer me to, please let me know, and I'll be happy to make needed corrections. Here is what I found out:

Our blood type (A, B, AB, and O) are based on the antigens in our blood. Type A has A antigens in it, type B has B antigens in it, etc. If someone who has A blood is given a transfusion containing type B blood, that person's type A blood will see the B antigens in the new blood as foreign, and therefore will probably rally to fight off these new antigens by producing antibodies to attack them. This is why you need to have a matching blood type given to you in a transfusion.

There are other antigens out there. Basically, these antigens are proteins that are attached to your blood cells. As far as E antigens go (and there are big E and little e antigens, each are different), 98 % of the population have ee, while the rest have either EE or Ee. If a mother is ee, and her husband is ee, there is no problem. But if the father is Ee, there is a 50% chance he will pass on the E antigen to his children. If he is EE, there is a 100% chance he will pass it on to his children.

If an ee mother is pregnant with a baby who has E antigens, and their blood somehow mixes during pregnancy or birth, the mother's blood will detect the E antigens, and create E antibodies to fight off the foreign antigens. This isn't a problem when it happens during a first pregnancy. The problem occurs to subsequent pregnancies. If the mother has another baby with E antigens, the mother's blood will recognize the E antigens, and will make even more antibodies to fight off the antigens. Basically, the mother's blood will try to attack and "kill" the baby's blood. If the level of antibodies gets too high, it can be very dangerous to the baby. The baby could die.

There are two ways to be exposed to these antigens. One, as just described, is to be exposed to it by the father, via the baby. The other is if you get a blood transfusion. They're supposed to check blood for antigens, and the blood can be "cleaned" of the antigens before it is given. But I guess mistakes happen, and you can still be exposed to these antigens through transfused blood. The good thing is, if you get it from a transfusion, you can have your husband's blood tested for a simple antibody screening. If your husband is ee, you are in the clear. Your child will not have the E antigen, and therefore your blood will not fight your baby's. As I mentioned before, if your husband is EE, your child will definitely have the E antigen, and if he is Ee, your child might have the E antigen.

If your baby is suspected to have the E antigen, your blood will be tested at least once a month in the beginning of your pregnancy, and more often if the titer levels go up or as the pregnancy gets further along. If the levels rise past a certain point, they might have to do things such as a cordocentesis or amniocentesis. I believe I also read that a intrauterine blood transfusion for the baby may be necessary. If the situation worsens, the baby will need to be delivered early. My doctor told me that they usually like to deliver the babies at 32-36 weeks. 36 weeks isn't too bad, but 32 weeks is pretty early. He can't give me statistics on how often premature deliveries are done, because usually patients with this condition go to a perinatologist, and he doesn't always get feedback on the outcome.

There are other antigens out there that will cause similar problems. The most common one is antigen D. This is the one that is a problem for moms who are Rh-. It is much more dangerous and can cause more problems. However, there is a solution that usually works for D antibodies. Doctors inject the mother with RhoGam, which are D antibodies but they are too big to cross the placental barrier. It fools the mother's blood into thinking that there is no reason to produce more antibodies, because there are already plenty of antibodies to "do the job". Since the injected antibodies are too big to cross the placental barrier, they don't harm the baby. This usually takes care of the problem. There is no injection for mothers with E antibodies, and I don't think there are for the other problematic antibodies out there, like C, etc. Probably because the others are much more rare, and therefore are not profitable enough to bother researching or manufacturing a treatment.

I will be having my husband's blood tested, although it is likely I got exposed to the antigens from him, via my last baby. The antibodies have never been detected in my blood during previous pregnancies, so either I got them from the last baby, or I got a blood transfusion during the last c-section or my hernia operation. I don't remember getting blood, and my doctor says usually they have you sign something informing you of the risks of transfusion and giving you things to look out for. I always read EVERYTHING I sign, so it's unlikely I had a transfusion. But I'd like my husband to be tested just the same. Since antibody screening is pretty routine during pregnancy blood workups, it is unlikely that I had E antibodies before now. Which probably means my husband is Ee, and didn't pass the antigens on to the first three children.

As annoying and worrisome as this complication is, I know that if my husband has E antigens, then I'm blessed that this hasn't happened sooner. Although you know this is just one more thing that the doctors will try to use against me in the future to coerce me to sterilize myself. Sorry docs, I'm not a cat, and that ain't gonna happen! Of course, the first thing my mother says is "see, I knew something like this would happen...your body just can't take all these pregnancies!" My response was "um, mom, didn't you listen to anything I said? This is something that occurred naturally, and could have happened with the first baby. And it might not even cause any problems. There was no way to prevent it." She acts like I broke myself, lol.

I suppose I could have made my husband submit to several health exams and blood screenings to make sure he was "compatible". I can just see it now... "Sorry dear, I love you and I believe God sent you to me because you are the man that will be a wonderful husband and father and lead me and my future children to Heaven...but God made a mistake and gave you the wrong proteins in your blood, so I'm afraid we'll have to call the whole thing off." ROFL!! I mean, I was picky, but I wasn't THAT picky!

I hope you have enjoyed today's lesson on antigens and antibodies. Hey, you could turn this into a homeschooling lesson! Of course you'll have to come up with your own illustrations. ;-) You could make some E antigen and antibody puppets, and make them have a little puppet fight!

Pregnancy Complications

Well, this pregnancy is turning out to be a lot like Murphy's law!

I found out that I have a condition that is very similar to being Rh-....just a different antibody that's causing the trouble (E instead of D). It's much more rare, but not as serious. However, it doesn't have a simple solution like taking RhoGam. Basically I'm being referred to a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist, because I also have other high risk factors: being "old" (35 or older), being overweight, having had 4 previous c-sections, and to top it all off, I have gestational diabetes again. *sigh*

The bad thing is, they usually recommend early delivery of the baby--usually between 32-36 weeks. Now, you all know me, I am NOT big on interventions or other unnatural stuff. Of course, if it's necessary I'll do it. But doctors are so quick to try to force you into doing things that are not actually in the best interests of you or the baby, to minimize the risks of lawsuits and higher malpractice insurance fees....like, oh, say, guilting you into a c-section you don't really need, and telling you "don't worry, you can have a VBAC next time" as he laughs up his sleeve because he darn well knows you're highly unlikely to be "allowed" to have a VBAC in this day and age. Oh, I'd better not get started on that, lol!

Anyway, I'm not really big on delivering a baby early just because I have a condition that MIGHT cause a problem in the future. I've done my research (boy, doctors just hate that) and I know that they usually keep an eye on your titers (tracking the levels of antibodies in your blood to make sure your blood isn't attacking the baby's blood). If the levels go up, you know there is a problem. If they go over a certain level, the baby could be in danger. I won't be letting the doctors deliver the baby early "just in case". There will have to be some evidence that early delivery is truly necessary. I'm not going to risk my baby's life with a premature delivery just so the doctors can later say that they "took every precaution".

I'm also not going to let them bully me into taking insulin unless that is necessary also. I've been doing some research, and I found out that a study has shown that taking as little as 1/2 teaspoon a day of cinnamon can lower your blood sugar, and has helped diabetics keep their blood sugar under control. I plan to try this and diet modifications first (I've been a very bad girl lately, due to stress) before taking more drastic measures. If I need to, I'll take the insulin or Metformin, but not unless it proves necessary.

I'm not really worried too much about the baby. All my babies have been healthy. Granted, this could change at any time, life is like that. And I am a little concerned. But as long as I don't see much rise in the titer levels, I'm not going to freak out. Hopefully, the pregnancy will proceed normally. So please keep me and my baby in your prayers!

No, the Ticker Isn't Going Backwards....

...it just looks that way. If any of you have visited my (non-updated) blog recently, you may have noticed that it had been showing a gestational date of 16 weeks, but is now showing 12 weeks. Why the change? Well, my due date had been a loose estimate, based on my second-to-last period (I forgot to write down the date of the last one.) So I came up with a due date based on that.

However, after an ultrasound two weeks ago to determine if I was carrying twins (why am I always more sure with each pregnancy that I'm having twins when I'm not?!) I found out that based on the ultrasound, I was only nine weeks along. Grrrr!

So not only did I apparently skip a period somewhere along the line BEFORE I got pregnant, but I am also feeling even more farther along than I thought I was. Hence, the twin scare. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for any blessings God gives me. But I might be momentarily chagrined at God's sense of humor if He gave me twins now, when I already have four children under the age of five, rather than giving them to me with the first pregnancy, when I wanted twins. I was relieved it was just one baby, although I admit there was some slight disappointment too. ;-)

It's strange to me that not only is each pregnancy different, but I seem to be experiencing more severe symptoms each time. I can only be thankful that God was so merciful in letting my first pregnancy be so easy. I can't imagine being one of those poor women who have very rough pregnancies, especially if each one was worse than the last. Yikes! I'm pretty wimpy.

With other pregnancies, I've had occasional, very slight nausea a couple of times. This usually was when I hadn't had enough to eat, particularly when I was pregnant and still breastfeeding a previous baby, such as in my second and third pregnancies. Usually a bit of food made it vanish. This time, I was having frequent nausea, though still mild. It came at weird times though, like sometimes very soon after eating. I would be sure that I didn't need food, and food sounded so unappealing anyway. So I would let it go for a half hour to an hour, as it grew worse and worse, until finally I'd just go ahead and make myself eat, and usually it went away. Why I would get morning sickness and need to eat after JUST EATING is beyond me. Pregnancy is so weird.

Anyway, I seem to be past that, and feeling better. I know that my pregnancies are still a lot easier than a lot of people's, so I'm very grateful for that. But I do worry what my tenth pregnancy will be like, at this rate! lol

The Risks (?) of Multiple Pregnancies and Cesareans

Any woman who decides to have more than the "normal" amount of children is definitely going to hear unsolicited opinions about the wiseness of their choice. This is especially true of your family members and your doctors. Your family members are probably indoctrinated from the television, and believe anything the "idiot box" says. (I am embarrassed to admit that I still haven't been able to completely break my tv habit, but I most certainly do NOT believe what talk show hosts and tv news shows tell me to believe.)

Your mother (sibling/cousin/aunt/etc.) is sure to tell you how dangerous it is, how unhealthy it is, how hard it is, how expensive it is, etc. The ironic thing is that some of these people may have had many children themselves, and got through it just fine. My mom did. We were well-fed, well-clothed, and had more than a lot of smaller families we knew, even on my dad's very small income. They have been taught by the tv and by society that anyone who has more than two or three children (at MOST) is being reckless and taking their lives in their hands. Nothing could be further from the truth. While having more children does take more of a toll on your body, if you are eating right and exercising, you can greatly minimize the impact.

When you visit your obstetrician, be prepared. With each additional child, you will feel more pressure from your doctor to tie your tubes, use contraception, etc. He or she will bombard you with frightening statistics and, if you let your guard down, make you feel foolish for even considering it. This will be even worse if you have had any c-sections...and if you've had multiple sections, they will make it sound as if your uterus will explode if you try to have even one more child.

I urge anyone wanting to have more children to research it for yourself. And not just the typical medical journal studies, either. Visit the International Cesarean Awareness Network for more information. Also read books about cesarean sections. Even women who haven't had one should research this if they plan to have more. Cesarean sections do carry risks with them, and when you have a doctor trying to talk you into your first one, or to talk you into a repeat c-section instead of a VBAC, they will minimize the risks to you in order to get you to do what they want. Once you have your third or fourth child, the doctors will suddenly tell you that the risks are too high.

With even one c-section, you raise your risk for future tubal pregnancies, placenta previa, placenta accreta, uterine rupture, and other complications during future pregnancies. These risks are not high, but they are there. The risks will raise with each c-section, though not as high as doctors often claim. If you do your research, you will find that the studies they quote often lump cases together that should be in separate categories in order to make it an honest, accurate assessment of risks in the study. When you look up studies that appropriately separate cases into more detailed categories, it gives you a more accurate picture of the risks, and you find the risks are lower than doctors often state.

One example is in the case of "uterine ruptures". This is the scare tactic used most by doctors, making it sound as if your uterus will explode and you and your child will instantly die if you get one. This is highly exaggerated. The uterine rupture that is most worrisome is the "catastrophic rupture" where your uterus tears all the way through. This can be very dangerous, and if you are not able to get into a surgery suite very quickly, there can be fatal consequences for both mother and child. However, these are rare. Most uterine ruptures are partial ruptures, where the uterine muscle tears through only part of the uterine wall. In the case of "window" ruptures, the rupture is a very small one that only goes through a layer of the uterus...it does not go all the way through. Many women get these, and they are not at all dangerous, and usually when having a c-section the doctor looks for these and repairs them. The studies often quoted by doctors usually do not differentiate between the serious and non-serious ruptures. Doctors often imply that these studies are referring to catastrophic ruptures when in reality they are lumping all types of ruptures together.

My last doctor used the "exploding uterus" ploy the last time. I expect this new doctor will use the "paper thin uterus" ploy after my next c-section. Your uterus can become thinner after many pregnancies, and this does up the risk of ruptures, but this is often exaggerated.

I cannot tell you how many women I have met who have been told that they should NEVER have another baby again, or they will surely die...and these women ignored their doctors and went on to have six, eight, or ten healthy children. Some of these women had c-sections, some didn't. All were given various reasons, all their doctors were certain that they were doomed, or that their children would be abnormal, etc. and none of their predictions turned out to be true. I met a woman once who had had NINE c-sections...so far. I know someone personally who has had seven...so far. They, like me, are quiverfull-minded.

Now, I don't want anyone to misunderstand me--c-sections can be dangerous. ANY surgery can be fatal. The thing that scares me most is blood clots. Not long ago, I heard of a woman who died three weeks after giving birth, from a blood clot that broke loose. Another mother I heard about online recently died of a blood clot when amniotic fluid leaked into her bloodstream as the baby was lifted out of her stomach. You can get a blood clot after dental surgery. So to me, blood clots scare me more than possible ruptures. My biggest piece of advice is do everything you can to avoid getting a c-section in the first place. Someone I know had one for what I personally believed wasn't a good reason. I warned her she was more likely to have tubal pregnancies, fertility problems, and more c-sections in the future. She chose to have one. Maybe it was the right decision. The next time she got pregnant it was tubal, and then couldn't get pregnant for a long time. The next pregnancy, her doctor was pushing at the end for a c-section, as I predicted. I strongly urged her not to get one. She was going to, but at the last minute was able to have it naturally. She was lucky, but she will face the same pressure from her doctor with each pregnancy.

Here is how I made my decision to keep having children. My faith. I do not believe in controlling my births. How can I say I trust God with everything...except my family size? I feel like I would be saying "God, I trust you with my marriage, my faith, my money, my life...but I know you cannot be trusted to keep my family size down to what I can handle. I just know you're going to give me twenty kids, and I know that I can't handle it. So I'm just going to cut you out of this area of my life. Sorry, but in this area, I know best." Notice all the "I" and the "I know"? I don't think most women think consciously like this, but when you break it down, that's the truth of it. Believe me, I sympathize! There are times I think "hey, just how many kids are you going to give me?!" It's a little scarier when they come close together. I really would like a large family, but in my weaker moments I just don't know how I can handle it.

And that, my friends, is the problem. "How will I handle it?" I, again. I, I, I. What we forget is that God will never give us more than we can handle....with HIS help! He will certainly give us more than we can handle alone, because we aren't meant to do it alone! Just because you don't use birth control, doesn't mean you will have twenty children. In fact, unless you are eighteen and very fertile, and don't breastfeed well, that is very unlikely. The only reason I have mine so close is that I don't produce milk well. Once I got a handle on it, I had twelve months between pregnancies, and around 22 months between births. I'm only pregnant now because I was an idiot and didn't try hard enough to do what I needed to to keep my milk production up, and ended up stopping altogether. And even then, God gave me a couple of extra months. Most people I've known personally only had around 6-8. Several I knew had only two or three. That's just all God gave them. Several I knew couldn't have any, and had to adopt. Only a handful of families had eleven or more, and they had married pretty young and had been quiverfull all along, and had babies longer than other women had.

Chances are I won't have more than six or eight. My mom went through the change early, and I may also. We'll see. I truly believe God knows best. And although my mom and my doctors think I'm crazy, I trust God as far as the c-sections go. Doesn't God carry us all in the palm of His hand? Not one hair on our heads will be harmed unless God permits it. If I die during a c-section, it will be because my time has come, not because I was "reckless" or "crazy". If it is my time to go, what better way to give up my life than in total submission to God, while giving life to another? I think that is a far better way to go than getting hit by a bus, suffering a heart attack, dying from cancer, getting mugged, or any myriad of other ways I could die. When God calls me home, I will go, and it doesn't matter if I am driving a car or giving birth. He will choose the time, and if it happens to be while I am giving birth so be it. I can't outrun it by avoiding His will. He will find me wherever I am. And hopefully when He does, I will be doing His will.

I hope everyone reads this and understands this to be an expression of my thinking and my beliefs, and not a criticism. I know others believe differently. My intention is only to express my own beliefs, and to maybe give others a new perspective to ponder.

May God bless you all, and please pray for me and my unborn child.

Question About Repeat C-Sections

I had a question a little while back in the comments section, and just recently realized that I'd overlooked it. I think it's a good question, and it's something every woman should know about. So Faraja, I apologize, and here is your question and my response:

"How did you find it having 4 c-sections (and will you need one again for the 5th?) I've had 3, and we'd love another baby but so many people (including my doctor) are saying I shouldn't do another c-section."

Well, as far as my experience with four c-sections, I hated having them. I desperately wanted to have a child normally, but let them talk me into the first one, even though I believe it was NOT necessary. This is very common. Doctors would rather do a c-section because it is quicker and easier for them, so they can get back to their office and back home, plus they consider it safer (for them) than being bothered to continue with a vaginal birth that isn't going as easily as they had hoped. It is definitely not safer for you and the baby, unless there are real signs of distress or some true need for it. "Failure to progress" and "cephalo-pelvic disproportion" (baby's head won't fit through your pelvis) are the two catch-phrases often used (and abused) as reasons for c-sections. There's no reason to be worried about "failure to progress" unless there are problems with you or the baby, such as fetal heartbeat dropping significantly. Doctors are in a big hurry nowadays. They do NOT want to let you labor. They want to get it over with, and the hospital wants that room available for the next mom.

CPD was the supposed reason for my c-section. The doctor said the baby's head wouldn't fit. Now I am more educated. After birth my son's head was perfect...there was no molding of the head at all as there should have been if my son's head had actually tried to go through my pelvis. I knew at the time the whole thing was bogus, but I was exhausted, in excruciating pain, and the nurses told me I couldn't have any more drugs unless I agreed to a c-section. Basically they blackmailed me. (All I'd had was a small dose of demerol--NEVER get that--and a half dose of an epidural.) Later after talking it over with my husband, we both believe that I wasn't fully dilated at the time they told me to push. There wasn't even a nurse in the room for about 99% of the time I pushed. It was a nightmare.

My second birth was an emergency c-section, because I had pre-eclampsia. That one I think was necessary, because as it turned out, there were also two knots in the cord. The third one I wanted to have a homebirth with a midwife, but where I lived at that time, state law prohibited midwives from attending VBAC births where there had been a c-section within less than 18 months, and I had had only thirteen months between those births. For the last birth, I had given up on finding a midwife to accept me, then heard that in this area, there are some women who have had safe home births after three or four c-sections. I found a couple of midwives who would have done it, but because of my other health risks (weight, gestational diabetes, etc.) and the fact that I was so far along (in my third trimester) they decided against taking me. I was pretty devastated. But this time I actually found a holistically-based hospital, and (as c-sections go) it was very enjoyable. The staff was great, the room was great, they even doulas and masseuses on staff. I had to travel an hour to get to the hospital, but it was worth it.

I was fortunate that my recovery from all of my c-sections has been relatively easy compared to some women, and my pregnancies haven't been bad either. However, I will say that each successive pregnancy and each surgery has been a little harder each time. Not only am I having more children than the average mom today, but I'm having them closer than most women (who breastfeed) do. So with the stress on my body, plus my age (almost 35), I guess it's to be expected that each pregnancy and surgery might be a little tougher.

I'll comment more on the risks (and the exaggerations about them) of c-sections in the next post.

It's Official!

Blessing # 5 is on the way! I tested positive last night. I'm kind of surprised. I usually don't test positive until I'm two weeks late. Although I'm not sure when the date of my last period was (poor recordkeeping, lol) I didn't think I would test positive til next Tuesday or Wednesday. I don't feel pregnant, really. I guess I feel tired, but not overly so. Going to bed at an insane hour lately is probably responsible for that. I also had been feeling lately that I just could not do the diet anymore. Which is probably my body's way of saying "stop dieting, you're pregnant, you dummy!"

Anyway, I shouldn't be surprised, since unfortunately I stopped breastfeeding at five months postpartum. (I plan to do everything in my power to avoid that happening this time around.) I should be more surprised that it took so long to get pregnant! But God knows what is best, which is why we trust Him with the size of our family. I had a year between the last two pregnancies, and felt ready when I got pregnant. I feel that I'll be ready for another baby when this one comes, but I wasn't quite feeling ready to be pregnant yet, lol! I don't at all mind the first trimester...it's the third that I hate. It's been getting harder each time. But I shouldn't complain. My pregnancies have been relatively easy. God has blessed me that way. It's probably to make up for the fact that, due to circumstances beyond my control, I've been forced to have all four of my children by cesarean.

Being pregnant does explain why, since I've gone of the diet in the last week, I have gained back HALF of what I lost!!! If I eat properly in the first trimester, I tend to lose a little weight. Then I stabilize in the second, and gain in the third (partly due to getting tired of "watching" what I eat). This time I plan to follow either the Weston A. Price diet or the Blue Ribbon Baby diet. I've heard good things about both. The first I believe is a good, all-around healthy way of eating for anyone. Some people with wheat or milk allergies tend to find they can tolerate wheat and milk on this diet, when they eat it as the diet prescribes. The second diet claims to virtually eliminate the risk of pre-eclampsia and toxemia. I have had pre-eclampsia with my second pregnancy, and I had gestational diabetes with the fourth. I hope proper diet will help me avoid such complications.

I still plan to reduce my carbs (Americans eat WAY too many) but in a way that is healthy for pregnancy. Most of my carbs will come from fruit and vegetables, and homemade, organic whole wheat bread. I want to get a grinder for grinding wheat berries for fresh flour. Whole wheat begins to lose nutrients within hours of grinding.

I hope everyone is having a good Advent!

God bless.

Temporarily off diet

I've decided to go off the diet temporarily. My cycle is late, and I suspect I am pregnant. I don't feel pregnant, though. My husband says I don't "look" pregnant (he can always tell from the changes in my body). But just in case, I'm going off the diet temporarily. This diet is very very low carb, and not suitable for pregnant or nursing women. I'll let you know what happens. I never test positive until I'm two weeks late, so I have another week to go.

"Confirm Clearly" Pregnancy Tests Are Giving False Positives

This is a shame to hear. I am soooo glad I didn't buy these. I was thinking about it, since I could get pregnant at any time now. Bad enough to waste the money, but what about the emotional scars that such a test could give? Pregnancy tests can often give false negatives, but not usually false positives. Imagine how terrible it would be for a woman who has been trying to get pregnant for a while? Sheesh!

Check this out. Apparently Tammy's husband is pregnant!